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He said I acted like Iwas a boy that was unhappy with what I was. I resisted him at first, Iwas afraid what he would say or what mother would do. But his kindnesstoward me broke me and I let it all out in December. He was the one thathelped me write the first letter. We spent the last session writing aletter to you Santa, he told me to describe things that I went though.He also asked my permission to tape record my statements about her whenI described her abuse. A week before Christmas, a bunch of officers raided the house. It wasvery scary. They came in with their body armor and guns. They told momthat they had a search warrant and showed her the paper. She was veryscared and I felt bad as I watched her shake as the men looked all overthe house. They put many of my things in bags and went all though mybedroom and hers. They carried away a lot of my pictures of doingvarious things with moms guy friends. They took many of my weird sexualtoys and lingerie away. That's ok, I didn't. ’ He didn’t want to accuse her of poisoning him even though that was the most likely explanation. ‘Did you eat anything other than what I gave you?’ He shook his head. She looked crest-fallen. Her brow creased and her head tilted to the side. ‘I can’t see how that could have happened. I’m always so careful.’ ‘It’s not your fault,’ he assured her. ‘But if you didn’t eat anything else it must be my fault. How can I prevent it from happening again if I don’t know what went wrong?’ It was a good question, but it was one that there was no answer to. This happened sometimes. He would mysteriously have a reaction even though he was pretty sure he hadn’t eaten anything bad. He thought about it all day. Had he eaten something different yesterday? Was there something that could have been contaminated? He was lucky in that it was a flat stage so he could sit in the middle of the peloton and concentrate on just making it through the day without shitting his pants. He lost the yellow.
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