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His unconfirmed suspicions bedevil him and separate us. I did hurt him.For a long time, I thought I loved two men and hated one. Re-writing my diary, I realize I hated no one and there’s only one I loved and only one who loved me, my husband. Edward never loved me. With age’s perspective, I accept I was his Asian fetish doll, replaced by another.The clothes, jewelry, perfume; his guiding and applying makeup, painting my nails, combing my hair, his sexual transforming me were his playing with his Asian doll. He loved his doll, the doll he created and played with. That was his infatuation, not me. In all honesty, he never said he loved me. Why did I think he did? Because I loved being his Asian doll.He did change me. With the putty of my poor background, low self-esteem; my naivety, he re-constructed me into his fantasy. The clothes, jewelry, makeup, Porsche, trips to San Francisco; his Stanford internship, knowledge of anatomy, sex games, charm, intelligence, attention, swayed me. Once home, he had his beer, we ate dinner and then watched a little TV after I cleaned the kitchen. Then it was off to bed. But of course, before going to sleep, I had to kiss Miss Pussy goodnight and let her know I am her slave to do with as she wished.The next morning after our ritual in the bathroom, which now includes being her toilet paper for her pussy and ass, along with drinking my own pee from a glass and wiping my pussy clean, she added one more this morning. When I shit, I have to wipe my own ass with my fingers and lick them clean. She is so disgusting, but I must do it or get punished. And, she watches me as I wipe and lick.Then I clean her room first, mine second, go to the top of the stairs and dress in whatever clothes she gives me. It was just a skirt and blouse today, but I knew I wouldn’t have them all on for long. Once dressed, it is downstairs for breakfast before going to school.Once leaving, I strip naked and walk down the road like that. Then the others use me.
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