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I learn from one of the other bridesmaids that Kate, the girl in question, had an argument with her boyfriend for getting steaming drunk last night and told him not to bother showing up whilst still ‘half-cut’. So she’s come to the wedding alone, as has my father, who’s left my mother 400 miles up north, looking after the dogs for the weekend.And as the daylight fades on this warm August evening, and the music slows, I watch the best man and the bridesmaid smooch together. Her hands encircle his neck, and as they move in slow clockwise circles, her fingers run gently, subtly, through the hairline on the nape of his neck.Her slim, petite body is pressed against my father’s, and I note his hands are rested on the small of her back, moving ever so slightly, caressing the natural hollow in her spine and occasionally straying a little further south, to allow his finger-tips to briefly touch the top of her pert little bottom, under the little pink dress she’s wearing.Between songs they. She’d help me on with my pants and cardigan, shove me into her car, and never say a word. Her shame was equal to mine, and we kept each other’s secrets. Such friendship is so rare, it may as well be considered impossible to find. But naturally even she disappeared from my life just as easily as the rest, especially when the love of my life told me he fantasized about her. I could never see her the same way as before, after picturing him entering her, even if it was his sick daydream. Sometimes I pick up the box, the one we all have somewhere hidden in our homes or garages or storage units. The one with the dried flowers, cards, letters, mixed tapes, stuffed animals, dirty photos, anything he or she might have left behind. I have letters that I read. Text and email transcripts. Some horrible poetry. I bring this box out when I need to cry and can’t, but now it doesn’t work for me anymore. I read the letters, wonder if their wives have ever seen some of the shit I’ve written, and try.
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