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I cradled my head in my uninjured hand, just letting it all out. I finally calmed myself, wiping my nose and mopping my brow with a paper towel. "Is this what my life has come to?" I asked myself. "Sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself. Alone." Where had it gone so wrong. Was I really such a cold-hearted monster?" The questions I kept asking myself were creating answers that I didn't like, didn't like one bit. I kept sitting there, in the kitchen, my injured hand starting to get numb from the cold.My rage was now gone, my stomach roiling. I felt physically ill, perhaps from the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, some of the things Jackie had accused me of were right. Did I fuck up that badly? Was I that much of a prick? Was she right? The vague thoughts began to crystalize, and my iron curtain began to shatter. It was then that I finally came to grips with myself, realizing what I had allowed myself to become.Yes, Tina had screwed up, but she had acknowledged that and came. Since my parents separation my father and I became closer, not as lovers, as some might like to think, but certainly not a healthy father and daughter relationship, but more like an older man and teenage girl, experimenting in all aspects of sex, my perversions, if there is such a gene, then I inherited from him, and together, we explored it, each of us getting off on the other, but with other men doing the dirty deeds and daddy watching.'What's Dogging'?Daddy looked at me, his face lit up at my inquisitive probing. 'It's where women go to be watched', he replied, before adding, 'why do you ask, did you get it in class today'?I explained some of the girls were talking about it, and besides they would not broach that in sex education, for fear we might actually do it.Later on Dad called me a said Joe had a couple of tapes on dogging and suggested I go down and pick them up.Fat Joe, was the owner of the local video retailer, we got ours for free, as dad had made a deal with Joe, in.
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