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Maybe it wascorny, but Lois had decided that she would feel most comfortable at NewYork, New York. This whole city was about make-believe, anyway. Why notspend it in a fictionalized version of the city that she loved?A few feet down the driveway, Lois saw the sign requiring the driversusing the parking lot to have an ID ready. She was completely unpreparedfor this. Surely, gamblers who are not staying in a room come to thecasino. And of course, Lois had not yet registered. But underlying it wasan old feeling that died hard: at the beginning of transition, Louisworried when he started looking too feminine to match his picture. Andthen when her ID was changed to Lois, she worried that her appearancestill looked too masculine.And then there was her darn shoulder bag. Lois still was not used to allthe things she needed to carry in there - or at least what she was toldshe needed to carry. Where was that stupid wallet, anyway. It should benear the top. She just paid for her meal not two. I lost her. I knew I could never lose her again. I told myself again and again, that the next time Dawn and I got together, it would have to be forever. I needed that, that concept of forever. It was my anchor. SHE was my anchor. And my anchor was now gone, leaving me adrift.I had tried so hard to make it work. I'd seen other young couples crumble beneath the expectations of their futures, and I'd tried really hard to keep my own expectations in check. Sure, I wanted marriage and kids and the whole "dream"; but I didn't push that on Dawn. I recognized that she wanted to have her "fun" in the aftermath of her relationship with Ryan. I recognized that she was still young and had a lot of things she still wanted to do before settling down. And I'd done my best to accommodate her, to give her every freedom.Despite giving Dawn her freedom, I'd lost her. Perhaps BECAUSE I'd given her this freedom, I'd lost her. Would she have cheated with Jaron had she not already had a sex with him? Would.
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