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It had nothing to do with our parents. Well, it had everything to do with our parents. But their influence and their subtle (and not-so-subtle) nudging to pair us together were all a part of the past. They were things that had happened already, and nothing short of a time machine would erase them. I had lived my entire life to this point with Ben as a huge, integral, necessary cog in my existence, and the time spent away from him this past summer was nothing if not a reminder that he would continue to be so.Would he be my husband, the way I'd always dreamed?Hopefully.Would he be a sibling, like Brooke or Dayna or the twins: just another part of our joined families?Maybe.Would he just be a friend, someone I'd grown up with and then grown up from, like so many people I'd known in grade school and high school and college who might say 'hi' if we passed in the street, but nothing much more than that?I'd rather die.Would we find some other balance, some way to be ... special ... to each. .I didn't get to return the favour.Saturday AfternoonNursing my hangover with a cup of coffee, I reflected on what I did with Lauren. She was definitely a rough type, I was somewhat ok with that, What the hell was that drink she gave me? I shouldn't have been this hung over. I remembered the feeling of her hair tickling my thighs, it was an instant turn on, I became fixated on replaying the scene in my head. As I did, I felt myself becoming moist at the thought of her but, something was different. There was an ache in my stomach, like hunger pains, as I was alone I thought "Fuck it." I leaned back into my dining room chair and ran my hand up the inside of my thigh, passing the bite mark that Lauren had left. Reaching my my panties, I lifted my fingers up then down behind the fabric feeling past my pubic hair and placed a finger over my clit. Slowly rubbing at myself, the stomach pains went away, I rubbed harder, my hangover faded. I put two fingers inside and exploded with agonizing.
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