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What were they?” Secretary of State Dick asked.‘‘First was to keep Iran out of the news,’’ I said.‘‘Well, you have done that for sure,’’ Troy said.‘‘I wanted to send a message to the drug kingpins that I was coming after them. They have been warned; they are fair game now,’’ I said.‘‘I would say you did that. Evidentially you have someone in mind,’’ the Vice President said.‘‘One for sure and Robert’s expanded group has identified four more possibilities,’’ I said.‘‘Is Mexico OK with this change in your policy?’’ Troy asked.‘‘Mexican President Martinez had signed off on the principal points before I made the announcement. I have to work on a negotiating team to iron out the finer points. Do you have any good international negotiators you want to lose? The bad ones I don’t want at all,’’ I said.‘‘Why would I want to give the good ones to you?’’ the President said.‘‘Just checking on your mental stability today is all. I knew the answer but had to ask,’’ I said.‘‘What is this about. I know that there are women out there who’ve hidden a diabolical device inside their vaginas to hurt unsuspecting men in the worst way possible. I was aware of the existence of this diabolical machine long before some foolish men in Hollywood made a movie about it. That’s why I don’t sleep with random women without inspecting their plumbing. It’s not just AIDs and unplanned pregnancies that you have to worry about anymore. The world is getting worse. I also know all about racist white people’s movements, from the neo-Nazis to the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and the New Reich. Did you know that white women are the fastest-growing membership in all racist groups? Yeah. Pretty soon, racist organizations will be overwhelmingly female. That’s why I laugh when I see black men walking around with white women. Do these foolish black men suspect that the white female they’re romancing could secretly be a member of the Klan? It’s something they should keep in the back of their heads. I know.
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