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So I decided to go for a walk. Of course, I was frustrated and horny. Any calls I had made to guys I knew went to voicemail, so I walked the streets and thought about taking in a movie. Outside the theatre, I noticed a really hot guy go in and casually followed him. Instantly I realized that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on a movie but would be obscured by thoughts of fucking and sucking him. We entered the theatre, which was fairly empty for a Sunday, and I made sure to sit behind him. I slowly began to imagine my coming up to him and saying the magic words that would have his lips wrap around my swollen cock, but I stayed frustratingly impatient by an overwhelming lust. Eventually, I got up in my tight jeans, heavily glossed my thick lips with chapstick and whispered in his ear, “I can make up a corny line, but I have to be honest – I want to suck your cock in the worst way.” He looked at me stunned and told me to go. I had the urge to pull my cock out and jerk off. You know how really clever people like Mikhail for instance enjoy flaunting their cleverness by reducing victims to flummoxed idiots. To me she's the wisest woman I ever met, because she realizes cruelty hurts everyone, including the cruel. She's smarter than the smart ass." So why did you stop seeing her?" The porno business sent me into a depression, Molly. Everyone seemed so self destructive and lost. It reminded me of a girlfriend I had and lost to her demons." The coke whore?" Carol. Everyone in porn had that lost look. The men looked like the men who used her. And the sex ... It was joyless, mechanical. More and more the distance between fucking and love, between intimacy and cocksucking separated until I started to forget those moments when me and a girlfriend made love. It freaked me out."But with Fanny..." Yeah. I know. We'd fuck and then we'd make love. That last night before we told Delores about my decision and talked her into representing me in legitimate work, it was.
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