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”Tegan propped herself up on her elbow again. “The answer is no. I’ve been with two guys before this week. I lost my virginity in 9th grade. That guy lost interest in me as soon as he got what he wanted. I didn’t hook up with anyone again until I was in university. We were together for a year, then broke up. I’ve been single ever since.”“Oh.”“You seem kinda surprised.”“I guess I thought you were…”“…a slut?”Brandon shrugged awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.“I’m not offended. What else would you think? Anyway, if I wasn’t before, I am now. And I’m not ashamed of that. It’s actually…”“Liberating?”“Exactly. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about older people it’s that they more often regret the things they didn’t do more than the things they did. So, I’m doing things. While I’m still young.”“So… what other stuff have you done?”“What do you mean?” Tegan asked, coyly.“Well I mean apart from what we’ve done together… you know. With your boyfriend.”“Jeez, you want me to go into the sordid. It wasn't made easier by the fact that I didn't fit the stereotypical lesbian image, nor did I feel anything but traditionally feminine. As I put it to myself in high school, I wasn't "that way." I was no more or less vulnerable to the stereotypes of the times than anyone else. I was successful in my attempts to sublimate my inner conflicts until I neared 30. At that point, I couldn't go on lying anymore.There was no epiphany. I didn't have a passion-inspired sexual encounter with another woman, and suddenly realize, "Oh, I'm a lesbian! Just think, after all these years..." In fact, I never had sex with another woman until well after I came out to myself. Coming out was a process that played out over several years, starting with admitting that I couldn't lie to myself any longer, and culminating in the dreaded day I had to tell Josh.In looking back, I think Josh would have been any mother's dream child. He was a boy's boy, enamored of all things connected to the outdoors and sports..
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