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My heart skips a beat just looking at him.He takes my hand, we dance, and I love the feeling of his strong armsaround me.By the time the dance ends I'm trembling with a feeling I cant put myfinger on.Then he kisses me, and I can name it.I'm in love with him.I want him to hold me, and kiss me, and do things I am not equipped forwith me ....Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever. He couldn’t believe they cut off a left arm and leg for slapping and kicking some bitch. These were some very scary guys. He realized that he’d pissed off someone very important. How was he supposed to know that the bitch was getting married to someone connected to the mob? This wasn’t fair.“How do you want to do this?”“We’ll just hang him spread legged upside down from the rafter and cut him from crotch to the top of his head.”“Why don’t you get the ropes hung up? I’ll take care of getting the chainsaw ready.”“I’ll get out the barrel to burn the coveralls.”“I didn’t bring a coverall.”“You dumb ass.”“How was I supposed to know this idiot would show up?”“We’re supposed to be like boy scouts and be prepared for anything.”“Just take off your clothes and work naked.”“I’m going to get sprayed with bone and shit.”“Next time you’ll know to keep a coverall in your car.”“We were in your car.”“Quit bitching. We’ve got some carving to do.”Lenny stood there with his bowels close to letting go..
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