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I don’t, and in fact I never have. ‘The Shieldmaiden of Rohan’ I have on occasion been called, in praise or mockery depending on the speaker, but I am maiden indeed. Thus, at whiles and of necessity I find myself doing the same, as all women would.” She fought down a wince of guilt at the evasive history she was spinning, but telling the actual truth was unimaginable.Elfi’s jaw clenched with the effort to stay silent while she absorbed this confession. Then: “my La... Éowyn, I would never have guessed. It’s difficult to believe that one so flawless could ever be without all the partners she could wish. But if you judge this a secret, then it is in my keeping.”Blushing at the compliment, she nodded. “I know, dear Elfi. We can trust each other. I’ve felt this since I met you. And who knows? We might be more alike than either of us could have guessed.”“But Éowyn, I have another confession: now that I’m imagining it, it’s ... well, I beg your forgiveness for saying so, but thinking. ‘You have…fifty nine…new messages of which…’ I changed and did my best to hide the soiled jockeys. ‘What’s that smell?’ asked Darren. ‘Let’s go,’ I mumbled. * * * Darren and I actually lucked out because half of the calls were for the same overflowing toilet. The bad part was it was one mighty stinky overflow. Darren spent half the time cleaning up his own puke. Speaking of which, I had several piles to clean up in the cafeteria after they decided to substitute halibut parmesan for the standard Friday fare. The thing is, I have no idea how they managed to make it look just like beef-a-roni. By the time five o’clock rolled around, Darren and I managed to clear out all the messages and made our way to the ‘office’ to put our equipment away. In the close quarters of the room I couldn’t decide what reeked worse, the clothes I had on or the ones that I soiled in Whipschmears’s office. Well, I guess I did have virtually every type of human excretion on me somewhere. Actually I may have.
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