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I didn't know if I was still spinning or not. I had no recollection of time, other than my heartbeat. Under normal circumstances, I could estimate time by my regular resting pulse. I had always maintained a resting pulse of about 60. But these were not normal circumstances and my heart rate seemed faster than normal. I had no way of telling how long I hung there.More time must have passed than I thought. The water I had ingested had worked its way through my system and was now ready to exit. I had to piss, but I couldn't. Call it pride, stubbornness or whatever I didn't want to urinate when I couldn't see where it was going. I don't think psychologists have ever figured out that peculiar fascination a man has with watching himself pee. It stays with a man from the time he is a little boy. Maybe it has to do with being able to write his name in the snow. I don't know. I just know I didn't want to let go while I was blinded. I focused on blocking out the urgent messages I was receiving. Then again maybe it is because I hoped that sharing them would start to help me to overcome the areas of drag in my life.All I'm certain of for now is that I no longer want to walk in fear where fear has no reign. Here on Atlantis-at that is true, that is that no one would dare molest me. Even my Master or Mistress could be called up on charges if I was seen to be badly damaged or if I was killed. Of course if the latter happened then I wouldn't be worried about having them up on charges. Except that by stopping them at the (hopefully) first victim they will be much less likely to have a second victim.But maybe I'm just dreaming because that is what my therapist says is the hope behind bringing people (sponsors, 'cause concubines aren't people) up on charges will work toward. Of course the colony service idea that the Governor has been putting in place should also ease some of the major friction between those who are sponsors and those who aren't.That's because, while I have no wish.
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