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I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go. You’ll only confuse yourself. I was there almost three hours saying things like, “What does this do?” “You’re kidding me!” “Who owns that?”Finally I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll suitable for a night of romance that could also sub as a passenger in my car so I could use the car pool lane. Finding what I wanted was difficult as love dolls come in many models. I figured the “vibro-motion” was a feature my brother could live without so I settled for Lovable Louise. She also was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a “doll” took a huge leap of imagination.On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and left the front door unlocked. In the wee hours of the morning long after Santa had come and gone I snuck into the house and filled the dangling panty hose. Not for the first time I realized just how beautiful she really is. She’s especially cute when she’s emotional, anger brings such a lovely glimmer to her cat-like green eyes. ‘What else? The only universal constant besides Carbon and stupidity, bureaucracy!’ I raised the fruit of my labors even with her eye level before I lowed it to the floor and ended with, in what I hoped was not a snickering manner, ‘Here’s your gear, ‘slave.” ‘Get stuffed, Henry!’ stated Marva as she retrieved the bag. ‘If I catch you enjoying my situation too much, I WILL off you on the way back to the Republic. Interstellar space is the perfect place to dispose of a body.’ As Marva stated the threat to my person, her entire being took on an air of menace. This caused me to one, appreciate just how skilled and tenacious Marva is at her job and two, wonder just how many bodies she had already disposed of during the course of her career. Marva picked up the bag and strode off to the lavatory to get some.
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