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I needed to avoid that.“Gary, last night, I felt good about this. Today I was a bit conflicted, but I still felt good about what happened. I felt what we shared last night was beautiful. But now you are treating me like a pariah. Now I feel dirty and ashamed. I am hurt and angry that you don’t even want to be in the same room as me now.” I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. I knew I was on the verge of crying, and I did not want that.“Oh god, Liz, I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how you would feel; if you would be angry or filled with some deep regret.” Gary said with a level of genuine affection coupled with shame.He continued to stand behind the shower curtain with the water continuing to spray against him as we talked. “I also did not know if you would ever want that to happen again. I just did not know how you would feel. And I did not know what to do, or even what to say. So I avoided you. I am sorry.”I looked into my brother’s eyes and asked honestly, “Gary, would. "Ellen said she thought that would be just fine.April 13, 1845We got an earlier start than yesterday. The sky was overcast, but it was warm and it wasn't raining. Millie and Tess decided they wanted to go scouting with me again. I was getting used to having someone with me all the time, so I didn't complain.We marked the trail and picked out a campsite about seventeen miles out. Knowing that we were going to want to hunt tomorrow, we scouted out the next five miles of the trail before we called it a day. We'd been lucky so far in finding campsites where there was good water and good grazing for the livestock.When the wagons arrived, Millie and Tess didn't waste any time in getting a cooking fire built or in getting dinner ready. We ate supper early, then waited for Ellen to show up.When she arrived, I said I'd make myself scarce. "That's okay, Jase. You can stay if you'd like," Ellen said."I need to talk to Gil Jacobs anyway, Ellen," I said. "I'd like for him to go scouting with me.
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