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All was good until after a year of her marriage I went to spend holidays at my inlaws place along with my wife and son.Rupa had also come to stay at her parents place so that she can spend time with us and she doted on my son .But this time Rupa who was always very chubby looked bit sad.I had a habit of spending most of my time in the room on the third floor of the house cause there was only one room and I can go up there and have a nice smoke. Rupa and my wife both knew about this and sometimes came up to tease me that I am hiding from their parents while smoking. Though my in laws knew about my smoking but due to respect their age and tradition I never used to smoke before them.Rupa most of the time used to come upstairs to give my cup of coffee as she knew I loved my coffee along with smoke. I always used to sit on a rockig chair and she used to sit on high chair in front.We used to chit chat about life.I asked Rupa why she was so dull. At first she said nothing like that but when. I'd beengood at being a boy and I'd be lying if I said my life as such had beenanything shy of enjoyable. However, there had been those otherfeelings and desires on the horizon that had always seemed sounreachable. I had tried not to dwell on them because they made mefeel dirty and disgusting and perverted. But more than that, they hadseemed unobtainable.For the first time in my life I felt as if I was being honest withmyself about the feelings I had been hiding from. If this had neverhappened to me, I think I would have gone on to live a normal,productive, and relatively normal life as a man. I probably wouldn'thave even taken up smoking but I was fairly certain that I would havemarried a woman who was older than me and she would have been a smoker.But it did happen and now I was going to be that older woman. I lookeddown at the cigarette between my fingers and admired it. "I'm as crazyas a shit bird," I said out loud.The longer I sat up in bed the more accepting I became of.
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