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But he was already sitting there with his newspaper in hand. ‘I thought I told you I had a breakfast meeting this morning. Why did you make so much food? It will just go to waste.’ He lowered the paper and gave her a look that she knew meant she would pay later. Her heart rate increased as the fear coursed through her. It was not even eight o’clock and she was already tired and in trouble with him. She smiled and served the children their breakfast. She buttered toast and offered it to him but he knocked her hand back without a word. It was rush to get the children ready and out the door that morning. She ended up having to leave the dirty dishes in the sink to soak until she came home. She knew that was another strike against her. But she did manage to drop the children off at school on time as they ran off to the playground, excited to see their friends. She was thankful that in all the years of abuse she had managed to keep it from them. But she knew that they would not remain. .What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the.
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