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Amy sat on the bed behind me, she was going to help with my makeup, and I needed her help, I was clueless beyond a little eye shadow, and lippy. She wasn’t, earlier I’d looked so different, not like me, well the old me, now I needed to have it re-applied, ready for tonight, and the “special” whatever that was, I still didn’t know. Mike had gone home, after I’d sucked his cock for the first time in years, and for the very first time I’d let him come in my mouth, he lasted longer than I thought he would, his cock was harder than on our normal Saturday night, lights off sex. I wondered if I’d been more adventurous, if we’d have had a better sex life together, and knew the answer immediately, knew too that I’d fuck him when I got home, with the lights on, he could live out those fantasy’s with me, but could he live with what I’d become. And, could I?It was Sunday afternoon when I finally arrived home. The taxi dropped me at the end of the drive, and I walked up to the front door, my. Nothing. Zilch. Nothing I could salvage, even with the hardest highest-contrast paper I could find. It was hopeless. I felt like shit. Like failure. Dad wouldn't have approved, I'm sure of that.Just a fuckup. That's what it felt like and that's what it was. So, no, I didn't cry, but I felt like it. I solved it the way I'd solved so many similar things over the years: I cut it out of my life. I told myself it was because I was bored with it, that I hated darkroom work, that I was only doing it because Dad did it and my brother the jerk did it, and I didn't really want to do it, anyway.That wasn't entirely true, though. The fact is that while I was no Ansel Adams, I got some pretty good results. Mostly in portraits, now and then in a landscape. Lee was my primary subject in the early years, no surprise there, and our kids when they came along, alone and in groups, sometimes with grandparents or aunt, absorbed in whatever they were doing. Reading, sometimes, kid in lap. A favorite was.
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