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I didn’t come out or start dating women until I was 30. At the time it seemed like such a relief to not have to perform a hetero role because I had a lot of deeply buried feelings that I had to deal with. Having a break from social expectations of heterosexuality helped me to redefine myself. Some people have a hard time wrapping their brains around the idea of a changeable gender because they see a natural definition of gender roles that seems rather inherent. However, I am not one who sees gender as either/or. I think that we all have a different combination of both male and female characteristics. Some people lean more to one or the other end of the spectrum but just because they perceive themselves that way does not mean that they are incapable of experiencing the other side of the spectrum. Now it seems like my feelings are coming full circle. Don’t ask me what that means exactly, because I don’t really know. I’m still not interested in men the way I used to be, but I dont’ feel. I don’t know what happened to them if they were sick, but if I had paid attention to individuals I might notice they disappeared either way.I try not to stick out at all, I learned my lesson early how difficult it could make my life. It didn’t matter if you attracted notice for good bad or rainbow farting, the notice made things difficult.I had heard of a block that had regulation brought down on them for being too normal as that was beyond statistical probability so they got everything bottle-necked by 20%. It could be worse, I had to survive my fifth year alive bottle-necked by 50%. I managed to survive, and not stand out as I did it. I got very sneaky and I managed to locate all the cameras and avoid the ones I needed to as an unnoticed blur at the bottom of the camera frame. I was able to glean enough extra calories to make the assemble every day and I was very glad to finally receive a probationary 25% bottleneck for the next six months. Unfortunately I received a permanent mark.
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