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Walter will like having you ride home with him."She looked uncertain at first, but then the temptation of spending some more time with Walter tipped the scales for her. She ran inside to get her things. I went over to my car."Carla wants to ride home with you and make sure that you get all settled in before we head over to the school. I told her that we'd wait for her. That okay with you?" Sure Barry. That was thoughtful of her, and you too." So, you forgive her huh? That might be for the best, if you really do love her." I do love her Barry. I've thought about it, and she's the one that I want. I'm going to marry her as soon as I get my other stuff settled. I know that you think we're both too selfish and we aren't ready to settle down with one another, but I think we can both be faithful now. We know what's important." Walter, if you both want it enough, it will work out somehow."Just about then, Carla came out and I let her in on my side, so that she wouldn't have to try climbing. I’ve thought about medication for anxiety. I’ve talked to my doctor and read through the effects and side-effects. I don’t think meds are the answer. It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of death in my mind and if I’m lucky, I can get rid of them. Other nights, they stay there at the front of my mind, so that no matter what I think about or if I get out of bed to do something else, they’re still there. Even trying to write doesn’t help because I’m too tired to focus. Sleeping pills don’t help, because I need at least ten hours to burn them out of my system. Even with a shit-ton of caffeine in the morning, I’m still groggy until about ten hours. Since I need that much time and I have to get up at 6:15 to be to work on time, that would mean taking them at no later than 8:15, which would seriously cut into the very, very small amount of time I get to spend with my wife. And believe me, that ain’t happening. Hopefully.
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