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I went to the coffee bar to order coffee and water. I needed the water to dilute the pills, so that they didn't burn my stomach. The coffee wouldn't do anything but give me some feeling of normalcy, which at that moment I needed. I made Lucy sit beside me, so that I could put my leg up in the chair across from me."It is going to take roughly thirty minutes for the drugs to enter your blood stream. Can we sit here drinking coffee that long?" she asked."I can sit drinking coffee for hours," I said with a smile."I like when you smile Maxine. Even when I know you are in pain, you smile. I think that speaks well for you." Sweetie when the pain stops, you are dead," I repeated the exact words Gunny used when describing the pain of his heart attack."Either that or you have some damn good dope." I added both to him then again to Lucy."I'm not sure how comforting that is to most humans, but it seems to have made an impression on you," she said."It wasn't just the words, it was the man who said. Though for manyyears I’ve kept much of my pasthidden and secret, as I’ve cometo accept myself have this urge toshare more and more.Though not the point of the storyyet having relevance, from a veryyoung age being the only c***dand stuck with a father whoquite simply had decided sincemy also young mother had runoff when I was born, that Iclearly was her replacement. Asyou can imagine it was a ratherterrible time for me. forced toserve him in all ways, it really all Ihad ever known. It not really anoption and there would be nohelp coming till I could get out onmy own.Being a very rural community inthe Southern U.S., those that didknow of us for the most partshunned us. My father a drunk(which at times was a savinggrace when he’d pass out), andus considered white trash sosimply left to our means. Theworst part perhaps being I hadno one to turn to not even to justsimply be around others. As youcan imagine no other parentswould want their c***drenaround me, and adults knowingmuch of what.
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