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I am angry with myself, my heartaches foolishly for you. I know you will not give me what I really want, and the fact that I will take whatever I can get, is the root cause of my self-directed anger. You come to me and I cannot hide the wantonness I feel, even though it has an identity crisis. I will take you, all of you and maybe you will hurt my body and distract me from the pain that is not physical. “Hurt me.” I whisper and beg into your ear, as you give my neck some ‘mock’ attention with your fingertips. “I need it.” I plead, you might know that I am begging you to hurt me because inside I am already destroyed, but I think that maybe you are ignorant to it. Your hand is around my throat, already I am gasping with a small sense of satisfaction. You slap my face hard, I look wounded and have tears in my eyes, you can see the pain in there, but it is not a window into me, if it were you would be blinded. “Again.” I plead, and you continue to slap me until I am wailing and writhing. The cruelty and hate and bitterness that she’d felt toward the world for all those unknown reasons had fled her, and she was once again the woman I’d originally fallen in love with.She smiled and laughed more than I remembered, or expected, and we found a wonderful warmth and closeness still existed between us. Celeste waited three nights before joining me in my bed, and it came as a wonderful shock and surprise.I’d put her in the guest room, not wanting to make any assumptions. But we’d been touching more, hugging more, spending time on the couch, watching old movies on TV and just stroking each other. That night, I’d kissed her neck and gently tickled her ear with my tongue, and she’d moaned and pressed herself against me. The movie ended ten minutes later, and I’d turned in, still excited by the taste of her skin and the warmth and closeness of her body.I was almost asleep when my mind announced that there was someone else in the room. I’d long ago understood what the concept of.
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