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I silently pushed the shower curtain away and step into the shower. Carmen had yet to notice me, so I caressed her arm and said, ‘I’m so sorry, Mrs. G. I feel awful. Believe me, I really tried to live up to my promise. Please let me make it up to you.’ Carmen’s petite body stiffened as she felt my hand, ‘It’s not only your fault, Ryan. I’m also to blame,’ She sopped. I turned her around and saw she was crying. ‘Oh, my god. I’m sorry. Please forgive me?’ I said and hugged her petite body. Carmen laid her head against my chest and began to cry in earnest. We stood like that for a long time as the spray of the shower washed down on us. I struggled to keep myself in control, so I wouldn’t be spotting another hard-on and I succeeded. After some time I whispered to Carmen, ‘Please tell me Mrs. G. Are you crying because I also hurt you. Was I to rough. Please tell me if I physical harmed you with my lovemaking?’ Carmen got control of herself and looked up into my eyes. She sighed and then. She hugged me and handed me tissues, letting me ramble nonsensically about Ben and Joe and how I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or even what I wanted. She held my hand while I made an appointment with her therapist, then came with me and played with Josie in the waiting room for the first several sessions. I went back to work, which was a struggle at first. There had been a restructuring of my department during my leave and I had a new supervisor, Natasha. I don’t know if I believe in kismet or fate, but if I did then certainly she was sent my way for a reason. Natasha, I learned, had also been widowed young and was now remarried. She became a mentor to me, professionally and personally, subtly taking me under her wing. We began meeting at the company gym every morning. We spoke little, but I soon discovered that Natasha could say a lot with very few words. Joe went to Brussels without us speaking again. I got snippets of news of him from Mia and his parents. He offered his.
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