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She found it hard to trust men, after a number of abusive and explosive relationships, which generally ended after she'd been cheated on, she was unwilling to give her heart away again. She'd become that person, she empowered herself by cheating on partners. She was proud of it, even if it was only verbally to save face. John knew this. He knew she wasn't really like that, and he had grown to know the real her. In these weeks and months, he grew to love her more and more, until all he could think about was her. He dreamed about her nightly. Knowing that he would dream of Tasha made going to bed a pleasure. He would often dream of kissing her, holding her and hearing her say that she loved him. He would often wake up in the night, finding himself retiring to the bathroom to masturbate at the fantasy of her. He felt guilty. Despite everything, he still loved coming home to his girlfriend. She was steady, secure and she didn't have the reputation for ending relationships by cheating.. So I leaned over and whispered into his ears, "me too". By now I am holding him against me. Nothing happened that night, but we would always whisper " I love you" to each other. We'd whisper because back then being gay could get you killed and thrown out of the navy, in the order. Then one day Jerry told me that he had signed us up for the church "Adopt a sailor" program. The program had church members inviting a sailor for thanksgiving and a stay over. Mr. and Mrs. Buckley had invited us, or should I say they invited Jerry. When we arrived it was obvious they only expected Jerry. But they didn't turn me away. After dinner we sat around the piano singing hymns till bedtime. Mrs. Buckley told Jerry we'd have to sleep in the same room, but one of us had to sleep on the floor. I agreed to let Jerry have the bed. As I laid there in that dark room, so close to Jerry but afraid to move on him. Just as I started to fall asleep I could feel the bed shaking."Are you OK Jerry"? I whispered..
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