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Sincethis started, I have managed to get Chase and Wes and Ethan to all want tobe with me and have sex. If they liked me, I am sure I could find someoneto replace Luke. My mind started running with all these ideas and suddenly,I went from feeling depressed and sad, to feeling good and happy aboutthings. I would just find another guy that had what I liked and he couldreplace Luke.I leave the bathroom and change into. A white t shirt and shorts. I headdownstairs. I walk into the kitchen and John and Luke and Ash are at thetable eating. I grab a plate and fix me some of the Chinese food. I sit atthe table and eat. No longer was I feeling sad or useless. John looked atme and said I am glad you made it down to eat. I smiled at him and said,when I finish eating, I am going to go to the park and John said ok. Lukelooked at me several times as we ate. A few times I felt him kick me underthe table, but I never made eye contact with him. I ate fast and then wentupstairs. I put on my socks and. I just pray he learns the fallacy. That, without pain, he learns that I have nothing to offer, nothing to give in return for the beauty he has shown me. I feel his touch again, losing myself to what it brings. And I tell him, ‘It’s skin deep. Simple physical attraction.’ And he closes his eyes. The bind that ties us brings us together even while we deny that it’s there. Static electricity, circumstance. Again, loneliness. But not that. Then I feel his touch once again and I lose myself, drowning in his soul, always just beneath the surface, giving over all that I can, breaking my heart again, all just to feel his magic, his heart, one more time. I dream of his possession, the freedom of belonging to this person. And I whisper to him, ‘You are all that I am not, all that I was lacking.’ And he smiles. Because what I lack, he contains. Where I am weak, he is not. A power for a weakness, a give for a take. In his eyes, I see the truth. I know that there is doom and pain ahead, and.
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