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" I know, I recognized your voice and your phone number," she responded brightly."What are you up to on a dreary Wednesday night? Watching television?" Nope, reading a book." Fiction or non-fiction?" Non-fiction." What's it about?" It's called the Home Handyman's Guide to Almost Everything," she chuckled."Oh, that's pretty deep," I said with mock seriousness. "What chapter are you on?" Tiling. Appropriate, don't you think?" Very. I'm impressed. Cramming for an exam, are you?" Nope, just doing some prep work before class." Is this how you spend your evenings, getting ready for a 'hands on' experience?" Hands on, huh," she giggled. "Why Nolan, I think you might be having some naughty thoughts." Can you blame me?" I blurted ... almost immediately regretting my confession."Well, what do you know, he's finally getting around to saying what he really thinks," she said, still with humour in her voice.I cringed. "Uhhm ... yeah ... maybe so." Don't your feet get sore, tip-toeing around me all. . Something let go, and I cried and cried and sobbed and wailed and fought against the restraints to hug him back. When I finally cried myself out, he released his hug, and said he would be back tomorrow. I didn't want him to go. I felt so alone. So afraid...Michael showed up after lunch. He looked at me. "Okay Nick, what's the problem today?" I shook my head, and closed my eyes."Did you ever have the feeling that the only way to end the pain is to stop fighting?" He got a strange look on his face. "And you can't stop 'cause that's how you've been taught to face the world?" He rolled over to me, and held my hand."Nick, we can never stop fighting. When we do, we die. But sometimes we need to quit being our own enemies, and fighting against ourselves."Was he right? Could I stop fighting myself and still face the world? Or myself? For what the shrink was telling me went against everything I had been taught. Yet it was what, in my weaker moments, I had dreamed about and wished for, until.
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