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You missed supper.’ Nothing more for a moment, then ‘Please? Peter, please let me talk to you.’ I had no choice. She was my mother and she said please. What could I do? I turned the lock and than moved quickly back to sit on my bed. She opened the door and stood there, a tray in her hands and a smile on her face. The tray was welcome, the smile seemed forced and insincere. Even as a kid, I could tell that. She seemed nervous as she came in, put the tray on my desk and then moved over to sit beside me on the bed. As she did, I got up and moved to the desk chair and sat down. She let out a gasp as I did, and I saw the tears begin. She wiped her eyes and then seemed to come to a decision. She looked at me, her face closed and blank. ‘I have to ask you to not say anything to your father. This is something he should not have to know. The pain of my actions would hurt him terribly. It was a mistake Petey, and one I made without thinking. It will never happen again. You have my word.’. Beside me in bed Linda sleeps now, but sleep will not come to me. I rise softly so I will not wake her and go to other room in this great house that we now have. I must think to myself.I make error in this day. Linda says many excuses for my error, but I will not excuse myself from it. I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but I will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know,.
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