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He got me to try calamari, and only laughed when I hated it. He got me to ride my first rollercoaster. He took me to my first Marvel movie. He gave me my first orgasm. He held me through it while I shook and moaned, clenching around him, wondering how it could feel this damn good. I watch him and remember. His teeth in my neck. His cock pushing into me. Kissing me while I dug my nails into his shoulders. He told me I was amazing, and so tight, and so sexy. He was amazing. I knew it, and he knew it. He took me out so many times. He would listen while I played my guitar, and was patient when I was still figuring out my new amp, and he indulged me when I wanted to go walking in the dead of night. We’d end up in fast food places at dawn, almost falling asleep at the table, and when we finally made it home, he’d tuck me in before he slipped in next to me. I really thought he was just as in love as I was. And now I watch him stroking her blonde hair and realize that I was all I could be. For the first timeit occurred to me that he might think that meant sex too. All I really knew about Neal was based on renting an apartmentfrom him for a while and the fact that during that time he had alwaysbeen polite and friendly. He had lived with Susan since I had known himso I had assumed he was straight. Maybe he was a bisexual! I meanhaving a man dress as a woman and inviting them to live with you wasout there. I have never had gay sex and truly had not wasted much thought onit. Now that I had placed myself in a position where it might beexpected of me I was scared. I had not thought through this agreementwith Neal, had not spelled out the details enough to make sure that itdid not get to that point. I was now betting all my chips on the hope that Neal was straightand that this was some bizarre way to make him feel like he was gettingback at his girlfriend for walking out on him by replacing her with acaricature of her. I decided that I would ignore the panic I felt andif push.
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