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I think on some level I wished he’d be rougher with me. I knew he loved me and he didn’t want to make me really suffer. I felt strange urges to atone for past choices I’ve made and sometimes I would intentionally fuck up so that he would punish me. I think about this time in our past a lot.Master wasn’t being unkind or cruel. He was introducing me to the lifestyle in a phased approach. He was teaching me the core fundamentals of discipline and one of those is the application of pain – typically to the most intimate parts of my body. I was the one who was being manipulative because when I felt I wasn’t getting enough attention I would intentionally act out. In a way, I was being a spoiled child when I think back on it.I had also grown to understand his interest in humiliation on this trip. As we talked about the things he wanted to make me do, I became more and more aware of what he was really trying to get out of it.I told him on the drive down that I was much more comfortable fucking. "And when we did, we were too intrigued to leave. David was here, so I stayed to see what happened." So what happened?" Kim asked."They threw her down on a table, and tied her legs to the table legs. Then the guy just shoved a steel rod up inside of her vagina, and told her to get ready. Then he shoved it through her a few inches at a time. She was screaming the whole time and whenever she asked him to stop for a moment, he said to her to get ready, it would be over soon." Helen said, taking a drink from her glass. "It was the worst thing I could ever imagine."David told me not to expect anything very appealing" Margaret said. "And he sure wasn't kidding. It was messy, and then after Mary died, she had to be gutted and cleaned out all over and then put on the coals. She did taste pretty good, though" Margaret said with a smile."You know" Kim said, "Merle normally had the butchers hit them over the head when they were strapped into the machine. The place was noisy enough without that.
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