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The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?”The frog answers, “Let me hear the good news first.”The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”“That great!” says the frog. “So what’s the bad news?”“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.”✧ ✧ ✧A woman’s on vacation and calls homeShe asks her husband, “How’s my cat doing?”The husband says, “The cat’s dead.”The woman’s upset and says, “Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could have just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down.”“Okay, I’m sorry,” says the husband, “I’ll remember that.”The woman says, “Anyway, how’s my mother doing?”The husband says, “Your mother’s on the. Go to mummy now and say you have persuaded me to rethink my position and no way must you suggest you have tilted toward me. The words to say are ‘you persuaded me to rethink’ Have you got that?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Thanks. Now go and take her another drink and screw her and I’ll order take-outs.’ ‘Adela!’ ‘What?’ ‘Er we are all going out to dinner. I’ll tell your mother the current issue is not up for further discussion at this point in time.’ ‘At this point in time? God dad, why tack that useless pedantic phrase on to your sentences?’ ‘Search me.’ ‘Do we have a deal on my stipend?’ ‘I’ll let you know.’ ‘Dad you should not discuss my proposal with mum because if you do she’ll shatter you with her cutting verbiage. Just leave me in charge. Do we have a deal on my stipend as I outlined?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh thank you darling daddy. Do you want to play with my pussy?’ ‘Adela!’ Leaving that room at speed, David returned to Marianne with another drink. ‘No I’m better now. You drink it. Those other drinks were.
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