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I never accomplished that one goal. And I know it’s too late now, but I can’t help it. I think it every day. How I ran the one person away that really did love me and wanted to be with me. So…yeah…I’ve been single all my life. I went out on some dates and of course, on occasion, I got sex when I needed it. But, I never had the real thing. Love. Damn! It’s funny how you don’t realize that shit until the person is gone. I guess Joni Mitchell was right. *** I met Blue Carmichael at an insurance company where the two of us were employed at the time. I had been there two years before she arrived. We clicked immediately. I wasn’t sure if she was a lesbian and yes, I was afraid to ask. Although, I was bisexual and not entirely ‘out’ I wasn’t good at telling who was or wasn’t gay, lesbian, or otherwise. To me, there’s no such thing as a radar built into a person, so they can automatically tell who’s who. I always figured I would have to actually talk with someone and get to know them first.. I got in the car and fired her up.“But remember .. you promised you should never to do this. Please don’t push it too far.”…………The first two miles were a very slow meander through my local suburban streets. It was just as well I was navigating familiar empty roads. Focus was in short supply. Every now and then I’d reach over to touch the high-heels which were riding shot-gun. I couldn’t stop thinking about the rush it would be to go somewhere secluded, put them on and have a quick walk around outside the car. I dry swallowed.“Are you insane?” I said to my-self. “That, my dumb, slutty friend, would be a bridge too far.”But my thoughts kept weighing up the various assortment of isolated, dark places near-by. Those of unfrequented passage and cloistered seclusion where my first venture would go undisturbed. “Canrich Weir”, I blurted. Being the first words I’d spoken out loud for several hours, I startledmyself. “No, no, no…far too dangerous,” I continued to mumble at.
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