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In my case the ultimate cause of this masochism was inadequate fathering.My dad was an iron worker and I remember him mostly being too tired to doanything with us boys (except, significantly, the occasional spanking). Somany of the skills I needed to function socially as a boy (i.e. learn tothrow a ball, learn to ride a bike) I had to do the best I could on my own.When a cousin or a pal would help me learn these things, I would end uphaving a crush on him (what I really needed was a dad). Since spankingswere one type of interaction my dad did do, I ended up making this powerdisplay a central theme in my adult fantasy life. I thought that somehow,if my dad really whipped me hard (which he never did) it would somehow"make a man out of me."In the early sixties it was still common for dads to whip their sons inworking-class neighborhoods. I remember hearing a k** down the streetreally "getting it" from his dad, on more than one occasion, who used arazor strop on his boys out in the. I quickly closed the door behind him and led him to the bathroom. "Up there," I pointed toward the back corner of the shower where the evil peeper was still sitting, just staring at me. Jeremy started laughing again. "That little thing? That's what has you so freaked?" I only glared at him. "I have arachnophobia, don't laugh at me!" Still laughing, he said, "sorry, sorry." Then he simply grabbed a tissue and reached up and squished it. HA! TAKE THAT YOU LITTLE DISGUSTING CREATURE! Sorry...I hate spiders. Flushing the dead spider down the toilet, he said, "There. Crisis averted." The smile he beamed at me was so sweet and kind that it actually gave me that fluttery feeling in my stomach- something I hadn't felt in a long time. It made me smile without warning. "Thank you," I said, and I really meant it. He continued to look at me, and then chuckled as he took a step closer to me. "What?" I asked. He brought his hand up and took a bit of my black hair. "You have shampoo in your hair,".
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