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I changed my residence to the town and got my in-state driver's license. With that, and a gas bill to prove my residence, I got a library card. That opened the door in the library that had a row of computers hooked up to the internet. (It was their policy to restrict internet access to registered patrons.)Once I had access, I ordered a few things such as a new pair of moccasins both to keep my feet warm on the cold floors of the house as well as for rendezvous, a heavy wool capote with a long cape to help keep me warm, a big electric fry pan with a temperature control to aid my cooking.The snow started falling. Rather than shovel it myself I hired a service to do it for me. I could do without that particular manly rite of passage, thank you very much!My budget was doing pretty well. I was saving about six hundred dollars a month, even with the added expense of renting the house and paying for its heat. Still and all, I wondered if there was anything I could do to make a little money,. I once did, but in my inability to understand myself, I stopped. Why it is does not matter to me. It simply is, and I must have it.Master did not put me here. I did. My fears must be real in order to be faced. Is this real? It's as close as I can get, and I am thankful for it.Somewhere in the blackness I see, there are memory clips, moments out of time, my moments of anguish. I see a pickup truck pulling out of a driveway, boxes stacked in any empty house, a house that had been a home but is no longer. The home that was is in the boxes. My mother is crying, the sound of her quiet sobbing forms the soundtrack of my life.I will not cry, for my Master is near. My Master will come for me. I hear footfalls crunching the fallen leaves. He is here. My Master says nothing, but I feel him in the air. I hear the snap of scissors, opening and closing. I feel the taut hem of my dress relax as it is cut slowly up the middle. I feel the coldness of the back of the scissor blade as it slides.
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