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I was trying topiece together my scattered notes. I was trying to concentrate. Istill felt detached and groggy. My body ached to my bones. I sleptfeverishly, sometimes for days at a time.Reality eventually caught up with me. I'd wake up for brief periodsduring that phase and abstractly note the gradual changes. At thebeginning, I had these grotesque, large brown areolas. Later, I wasabsently aware that my breasts had grown fleshy and full. It was allgenetic, all the changes. My mother had large breasts. I didn't knowit yet, but I was a full C.It might've been a month before I clearly, consciously realized that myincredible recklessness had led me to this unbelievable situation. Ithad been so dreamlike, so nightmarish, and something I could onlyobserve, helplessly. I'd seen that new crease but I didn't feelcastrated. I just felt so coolly objective about it all. Until one day, the utter reality set in that I was a woman. No, noteven a woman! I was fucking man in a. If I’m not waiting on one, I’m waiting on the other!“It’s not all bad – Ben’s invited us round for a meal on Thursday. He’ll cook for us, he’s a really terrific cook.” Hmmm, that changes things. I mean, I know I’ve been sat cursing him for the last ten minutes, but this way I definitely get to see him. Play it cool, Caitlin.“Well, I suppose we’ll have to make do with that then.”“It’ll be nice Cate, he’s a really excellent cook and I think you’ll find he’s got a little surprise for you. I’ll get some wine, and I’ll drive so you can have a drink, we’ll have a nice time. He’s good, he really is.” This much I know. In fact it’s a shame you can’t take lessons from him. “I’m sorry about Wednesday, but it’ll be a nice night. Look, I have to go. Call you tomorrow.” The buzzing tone from the phone told me he’d already gone.I snapped the phone shut, glaring at it. Looking round for the barman, I drained the glass of wine I’d only just received, trying to decide whether I really could get.
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