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My life was a disaster.Then I heard Crotch sobbing.Glancing up through tear filled eyes I saw him bent over, pounding his well ... crotch with his fist."Crotch, don't," I said, "You'll hurt yourself." Don care." And he smashed his fist down again.My self-pity vanished and I tried to comfort him. That failed. Realizing that stopping him was my first objective I placed my hand on his lap."Owww!" He'd punched my hand."Ohhh! Sorry! I'm sorry Rachel! I ... I didn't mean ... Oh, I'm so sorry.The pain receded before he stopped apologizing.We put some ice on my hand and he seemed to calm down. We moved back to the couch, but didn't sit. I stood there in my royal purple Victoria Secret's laciest panties and looked at his wet, stained tan slacks."I ... I ... do it all the time. I ... just c ... can ... can't hold back. Soon's I get near a girl -- wham! I shoot my load. That ... That's why they call me Crotch. All my damn pants have stains on them. Semen stains. These were new slacks. I bought. Fight or flight? I was definitely all about flying at this point. What good would it do? Nobody was going to believe me, anyway. I was nothing but a dirty rapist and that’s all I would ever be. The thing about public defenders was that they were working on five to ten cases at a time. They’re not going to dig. They’re not going to try to defend a rapist. Or murderer. Or what have you. If you don’t volunteer information, they’re just going to assume guilt and go through the motions, moving on to the next case. That’s why it took under an hour for the jury to deliberate my fate. Guilty of first-degree rape. What was the point, really? Why tell my story to a therapist? To a cell mate? Anybody? Nobody would believe me, and it would just look like I was pussy, anyway. Which is what I was. She made sure she reminded me of that numerous times. It’s because it was the truth. The woman used me, mind-fucked me and actual-fucked me, and then to jam the knife in deeper, she stole my fucking.
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