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I guess taking half of everything he owns will be some reward for having to go through the thing he called a marriage. I’m going to get a glass of hot milk, it might help me sleep” mom turned and left the living room.“Wow Dan, under her robe she was naked” said Joe“No she wasn’t, she has her night dress on underneath” I looked at my best friend, he had lust written all over his face, which turned to a picture of disappointment.Mom reappeared at the door, “I hope this works” she said, holding the glass of hot milk out as if to show us the evidence.“My mom always says if you cant sleep, you just need to get relaxed, switch off your brain” said Joe.“I suppose she’s right” said mom“Why don’t you have a bath or something mom, light candles and play some music, that will help you relax” I said“Yeah” said Joe, “If you think of the times that you sleep the best and try to recreate the situation, that might help”“I suppose I could” she said“when do you normally sleep best mom?” I asked“Erm. Someone down there had been reading my columns, it seems. I patiently explained that I was known as the Bearded Lady for good reason; I had a full, dark, bushy beard and was unlikely to be seen as a woman.The only response was: "Hey - kinky. That's great! The audience will love it."So I agreed, after all I consider myself second only to Rush Limbaugh as a font of wisdom on all subjects, and even he wouldn't be as well informed as I on crossdressing. I dug the wig out of the recesses of closet, found something to wear in my $9.99 or less wardrobe that matched my reddish beard and went forth unto the Studio, suitcase in hand. You didn't think I would try and go dressed, did you? The makeup person didn't bat an eye at me, but then there was a 4' tall green alien on my left and two Elvis clones on my left, one old and one young - remarkably like the stamp images.It was fun waiting in the Green Room, that's the place where the guests wait until it's their turn to go on camera. I wasn't.
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