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Elizabeth and Laurie stayed back a ways, they had large hard cover books. Hannah whirled around a tied off shirt sleeve with something heavy in it. I approved of her ingenuity. We didn’t have access to socks.Suzi was sitting at the edge of the lockers, crying her eyes out. Her controlled silence of her sobs wounded me. Xiomara was hugging her and holding her hair. I disentangled my fingers from Zoë’s. We got out of bed from opposite sides.“It’s Kia, but she brought Dashawn with her,” Connie alerted me. “After Reggie we--”I put up my hand. “You girls looked after each other, after our family, after me. I owe you all so much.” I hugged Connie and she melted as if all of the tension in her bones was an illusion. I still needed her strong. “Should I help Suzi or greet our guests?”“You have to open the cabinets to help Suzi.” Connie rallied. I nodded. I knelt down and knocked on the cabinet doors.“Motherfucking Christ! Dean!” Kia’s voice screamed through. I felt a big mix of relief and. " Then Steve began to change, he became depressed, withdrawn. In the space of six months we went from heaven to hell. Steve was diagnosed with clinical depression. It grew worse, no matter what pills he took or what treatments he endured." She stopped to gather her thoughts, tears beginning to leak from her eyes. She was reliving the pain, but she had to get it out."Then one night I was changing Beth while the other two played in front of the television. I heard Steve say I'm sorry and turned to see what he was talking about." She sobbed, her shoulders shaking. "I didn't even know he owned a gun. The baby was screaming, Chuck and Mickey were crying and I was screaming the loudest of all. A neighbor heard and called the police. He found us, all four of us, covered in Steve's blood, still trying to scream although we were too hoarse to go on. I spent two weeks in the hospital, where I learned to build a wall. I covered myself in a shell, hiding behind it to keep the world out. That is.
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