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I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is going to be. He is going to really be pissed when he finds out how much his divorces is going to cost.My sex life is like a Ferrari. I don’t have a Ferrari.NASA’s robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Curiosity’s early pictures showed no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars.My mother-in-law is coming I had to clear out half my closet so she could have a place to hang upside down and sleep.Men have feelings too, for example, we feel hungry.I once won an argument with a woman ... In this dream I had.If there was a way to read a woman’s mind, I’m not sure I want it. I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I’m an annoying.It’s funny that when my girlfriend gives me the “silent treatment” she thinks it’s punishment.Judging by the frying pan is whizzing by my head, I did something. I can’t wait to find out what was.The Morning AfterDave woke up after the annual office Christmas. " You did? But you said..." I lied, because I was embarrassed to even say the word 'masturbate' in front of everybody. I still do, every now and again, but that moment when you opened the door and were still topless, got me so hard so fast, I ran to my room, hoping nothing would happen in front of you."Jade remarked, "Kit, I'm not quite ready to have you touch my bare breast, but if you want to feel me, go ahead - I masturbate too, you know. You're not the only one in this relationship that's horny all of the time. We just need to go slow, and be sure we're in love and don't just want to jump one another's bones." Funny you should use that term, Jade. Back when I used to hang out with John King and Michael Newberry - all they wanted to talk about was how hot you were, and they both would say that they 'wanted to jump your bones?' I did as well, but I couldn't admit that to them at the time, could I?"I took my hand - that was touching the side of her breast and moved it, so my hand was.
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