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(I had already lubricated myself ‘down there’ before leaving home, but seeing the look on Barry’s face, I took a tube from my handbag and liberally applied more.) I stood and flushed the unused toilet, then stood in front of the sink to straighten my clothes in the large mirror on the wall. I was still pleased. Growing my hair longer had been a good idea – it fell onto my shoulders softly and smoothly. The crop top was tight across my shoulders and chest, and between it and the skirt waistline my stomach was smooth and flat. One day, I thought, I would get my navel pierced. Barry would like that. The skirt had been a stroke of genius. It was tight and hugged my buttocks, its length barely covering them. I had worked hard on my legs and they were now slender and tanned. I was just checking my make up when I heard the door behind me opening. Barry slipped silently into the bathroom behind me. I did not turn around. I did not need to because the mirror showed me the whole room in. You have a tube down your throat to help you breathe. I love you Even. Blink your eyes if you can hear me.’ I blinked my eyes, as more tears flowed. She kissed my eyes, as she kissed my tears away. She cried happy tears. ‘Even blink twice for no and three times for yes.’ ‘Do you need pain medication?’ I blinked three times. ‘Blink once if the pain is severe, twice if it is very severe, three times if it is unbearable.’ I blinked three times. ‘I’m going to get the nurse, I’ll be right back.’ I started blinking twice, repeatedly, not wanting her to leave me. I needed her beside me. I needed to reconnect with life, after the dark of nothingness. I know I preferred the church’s version of hell, with its’ fire and brimstone, then what I had just been through. Nothing is terrifying. Nothing would drive anyone insane. Nothing should be reserved for the likes of the mass murderers: Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Perone, Amin, Stakic, and Milosevic. They deserve each other, and NOTHINGNESS! I felt.
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