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If I hadn't done that, I might have been able to face Ben the next day. I could have told him about the turmoil in my head. I could have shared my pain and asked for his help. Together, we could have fixed things. Together ... we'd still be together.But I didn't. I fucked up. I KNEW better. I KNEW I shouldn't sleep with Jaron. There was no logic, no reasoning, that said to cheat on my boyfriend and sleep with another man. I couldn't rationalize it in any way that might equal 'the right decision'. But I did it anyway. In the moment, I said 'fuck it'. And I fucked him.It was heat of the moment. I'd nearly died, trying to re-cross that street. Jaron saved me, saved my life. My mind was off its axis and my brain was flooded with adrenaline. My cognitive functions probably weren't so different from Nick's when he was drunk. We'd both made bad decisions. And now we were both living with the consequences.The reality was that Nick's consequences were rather more survivable. Nobody died.. I knew that their relationship wasn't at its best currently. You probably could tell that from us sleeping together. What if that's what they were talking about? What if her husband somehow knew what happened between us the night before? What if she told him out of guilt? How would that make me look? I didn't want to be an homewrecker. I didn't want to ruin a perfectly fine relationship, but I craved her and nothing but her. I wanted her body in a sexual way. I wanted her to want me. Her husband left her office in a hurry. He didn't make eye contact with me. It made me wonder what exactly they were talking about. I walked into her office. She was sitting at her desk staring at me. The look in her eyes was lustful and I loved every moment she stared at me with that look in her eyes. “What exactly did y'all talk about?” I asked hoping it had nothing to do with what happened with us. “Nothing important,” she said as she slowly walked over to me removing a piece of clothing at a time..
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