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We were going to have a meal in the new celebrity chef restaurant and I had used all my connections to get us a table but she has some sort of domestic crisis with her c***dren and can’t make it!I try not to feel annoyed, as it’s not the first time she has done this but text back ‘oh no hun, hope all is ok let me know. How bout coffee tomoz, I can come to you?’ I ring the restaurant, they are gracious but I’m sure they will have no problem filling the table.I start to think as I order another Pinot, as I’m dressed to impress in a little black dress, heels and my hair is done shall I eat in the hotel restaurant or eat in my room with the TV for company?As I ponder the barman comes to me with a large glass of Pinot and tells me it has been bought by the two guys across the bar. I thank him and raise my glass and thank them with a smile. They are a little older than me, both are dark haired and one looks very big and broad.The smaller guy approaches me and asks me if I would like to join. I have killed certainly. But I don't revel in it nor do I think of myself as a murderer. I have served the forces of my native Ireland and the forces of my adopted country the United States. I'm not a monster.But I am. Oh yes, I keep it deeply buried inside of myself. I rarely acknowledge its existence. And when it threatens to get out, as it does sometimes, when I see innocents, particularly children, hurt or endangered, I try to maintain control over it. Sometimes it slips. The control I mean. Then I have to force the monster back inside me. I don't let it run wild. But...Once I did. I not only called it forth, I howled with it as it gleefully ran amuck. And, what frightens me, what causes me to spend nights on my knees praying for forgiveness, is that even now, I'm not sorry I did.(Ireland, 1649)I could smell the smoke long before I could see the flames. I ran, ran as I had been doing since I had awoke and freed myself from the collapsed vault under the city of Drogheda. I had.
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