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She was deaf and I, dumb. During funerals for parents and those of their era, my mind dwelt on their life summaries, what they did and didn't do. For those younger, it was their tragedy, of a life story cut short, their uncompleted actions. This funeral was of my generation, now beginning to be sporadically called to the other world, a pace that would accelerate. As the sterile, macabre platitudes of the secular service droned on, my mind wandered afar.Death, it’s final. Tomorrow the world goes on without her. She’ll soon be forgotten, yesterday’s newspaper. Death, the stop button on our life’s tape, a tape soon erased, a fading memory among those who knew her, probably knew her not, now an evaporating mirage.I shifted to reminiscing about me.Soon I’ll be in a coffin, never to move again. When young, I walked through the Mission Cemetery with Julie, my one St. Clare’s school friend, to her mother’s grave, awed. The cemetery, row after row, beneath our feet or in little stone houses,. She recognized my ask in my mind and said: ‘Well, you have to learn so much and you wonder why you will be a girl in future. It is one point you should learn for the future: Don’t think about things you cannot understand. Later you will understand all by self. Your identity is now female and your name is yvonne. you don’t have to go to school for the rest of your life. Isn’t it great ?’ she smiled over her face and i thought it is wonderful not to go to school, because all of the k**s in my class are only teasing me and i had no friends there. I was happy and i kissed her for this message. Days gone by and i was to dress me like a girl with pumps, stockings, corset, skirt and blouse. i got a very thick butt-plug for a slip. My hair and breasts were growing. My wrist was very tight fitted with a special frame where my mother could lace me to the extreme. Every day i had to exercise on ballerina shoes and the rest of the day i had to walk on 6′ heels. On the evening i was chained to.
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