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You’ve been gone nearly two months but I’ve only just found out. I spent the last two months staying positive, keeping myself from losing confidence. I’ve been thinking of you as alive and still fighting. I ignored the ugly feelings that something was wrong. You weren’t responding to anything. I convinced myself you were spending your precious energy on those wonderful children, who matter more than me. I can only hope that is true, that your last days were spent surrounded by your children and family. I still think you were strong enough to beat the cancer. Losing the baby and the final expiration of your marriage were heavy enough hits. Topped with the ugly cherry of such an aggressive cancer, you were up against too much. Losing much needed love and support in the face of such a daunting trial would do anyone in. Part of me feels a deep overwhelming pain, loss. There is an ache inside that only time will cure. It’s been fueled over the last forty hours by the knowledge that we. I knew that something was causing this lack of judgment and that when she woke we would probably never speak of it again but I could dream, at least as long as she was still at my side. The environmental alarm rang causing Jemma and I both to wake, I opened the panel next to my bed and checked the ships environmental status. Jemma got out of bed and began getting dressed and I secured the alarm. I changed the valve settings on O2 systems and the alarm canceled. I turned to Jemma who was gathering her clothes and heading for the door and asked where she was going. She frozen in position and said “back to my quarters, sir.” I said belay that and get back over here, patting my hand on the bed next to me. She dropped the clothes and returned to the bed with a slight skip and sat on the edge. I asked her as a man not her captain to stay. She asked me about the implications of the crew and her position. I told her that on an extended mission such as this, peoples’ private lives often.
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