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He probably didn’t realize how much I loved sex, and how much I lusted after him. I decided it was time he found out. The next day, I took an extra-long lunch and stopped by a lingerie shop on the coast that I’d passed many times, but was always too afraid to visit. Wild outfits of lace and leather and lycra adorned the storefront mannequins – outfits I yearned to wear. I lingered outside on the sidewalk for minutes before I found the courage to push myself through the front door. ‘Hello! Are you looking for anything in particular? Something for a honeymoon, perhaps? An anniversary? Or maybe just a little party for two?’ The clerk – a thin, heavily made up woman in her forties – moved snakelike, sexily, her features animated and alive. I felt strangely comfortable with her. ‘Yeah, I want to find an outfit that makes me look slutty,’ I replied, then smiled self-depricatingly. Her shrill, girlish laughter bounced off the shop walls. ‘Oh, I definitely think I can help you there. Well,. ” Dick soon realised the alien spoke not only completely in caps, but largely only in Too $hort lyrics. Suddenly it all made sense – Too $hort had to be an alien. Only someone who had observed earth culture from the outside, but never lived it, could have composed songs and rhymes so terrible and yet still thought they had any merit whatsoever. The alien was Too $hort.He might've been called Too $hort, but his dick was jolly long. "Long as a log," thought Dick, as logs of shit were removed from his anus during the continued pounding. POUND. POUND... And then it was over, seemingly, before it even began. Dick was astonished! By golly, he was up early the next morning fresh as the first steaming turd on a cold day. He bounded around the office, spilling coffee from his mug, but not giving one fuck who he spilled it on. One particularly heated moment he managed to drench an Irishman with the contents of his mug, and was yelled at to "FUCK OFF." Fists were raised, but at this exact.
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