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The Reverend George Proctor had married his shy looking wife about four years ago, but whether that change in his circumstance had improved his temper, or his intelligence, I would not know.As I have already said the meals provided at the Rectory were of the finest quality, and of great quantity, as the Rector was a trencherman of some considerable appetite, and I found myself attending dinner there several times in a week. I often had to grit my teeth when the Rector started on his many tirades, and just waited for the food to arrive. Even he stopped talking when this manna from heaven appeared before us. The maid with the cast in her eye did the serving, and I was intrigued to see how, with her wandering eyeball, she managed to get the food from tureen onto plate without spillage. I surmised that she must 'aim off' to allow for drift, as do the sharpshooters of the 95th Rifles.The Rector always held forth, at considerable length, on some topic close to his heart when at table,. When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.The world is just getting too complex for me.They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their.
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