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’ ‘Isn’t that risky,’ Aunt Betty asked, ‘Couldn’t you lose everything you have in a very short time?’ Aunt Betty was still looking out for Julie. Julie answered for me ‘he’s found a secret system, and we make money on well over 90% of our trades.’ ‘We’ve brought in about $100,000 just this month,’ I added, ‘thanks in large part to Julie here. She’s the best researcher there is.’ Aunt Betty was even more proud of Julie when she learned that she was helping earn these fabulous sums of money. ‘Actually, we share information, but Julie and I each do our own trading. Half of everything we make is hers, free and clear.’ Aunt Betty was really impressed with her niece now. Julie downplayed it, but I could tell it made her feel good to impress Aunt Betty. The three of us went to a French restaurant we liked, Aunt Betty almost wouldn’t eat because she couldn’t get over the prices. Welcome to New York, Auntie. After dinner, we went to see the city from the top of the Rockefeller Center, then. How do I describe what just happened? As a boy, just becoming a young man, its perhaps understandable that my mind can only think of something from my boyish past to use in making an analogy. In the movie Willie Wonka, one scene involves a ride in the Wonkamobile, at the end of which they get clean in the "hsawaknow", which as Willy Wonka explains, is Wonkawash spelled backwards. Only I went through something forwards, backwards, sideways and inside out all at the same time. There was a single moment in time when I felt, flat as a shadow, or smaller than an atom, or ... something. Even today I cannot find words to describe it. The apprehension I felt inside my bubble of calm reminds me of something I read by D.H. Lawrence."Are you willing to be sponged out, erased, canceled, made nothing? Are you willing to be made nothing? Dipped into oblivion?"When my consciousness was once again focused on myself, and I was once again feeling balanced, I knew something was different. The debris.
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