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I'd been on a boat before – walking was just a matter of timing your steps to the rocking.The small door behind me looked like a bathroom door, and it was. I didn't turn on the light – bathrooms have mirrors, and I desperately didn't want to see myself. I fumbled for the toilet seat, lifted it, undid my jeans, and pushed them down. Steadying myself on the wall, I sat, and let flow.My pee smelled and stung. I peed a lot. Dehydration. Drink water dummy.And then I was like, Why? I was supposed to be dead. Peace and quiet and dead. Why couldn't I be dead? I couldn't even kill myself successfully, not even with pills and a bridge to jump off of. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK. I felt tears tickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want anything. What I wanted was nothing, or really, nothingness. I just wanted everything to be over.Sniffling, I wiped, pulled up my pants, flushed, and turned to the sink. Dixie cups, in a little dispenser. It was like I was a little girl again, playing. “The Belly buster,” I said.“Coffee or tea?”“Coffee, light on the milk, plenty of sugar.”When the waitress was gone I turned to the woman sitting in front of me. She had taken off her sunglasses and her eyes; they were the strangest eyes I had ever seen. They reminded me of ice with a hint of blue in them. Her skin was flawless and so was her makeup.“Who are you and what do you want?” I said.“I want to help you, I was once like you and someone took me under her wing so to say and now it’s my turn.”I didn’t believe a word she said.“You were never like me.”She smiled showing perfect white teeth and a pink tongue that gently licked her upper lip. It was something sensual about the gesture. She lifted her right hand and began to tick off items.“Broken home, abused, foster care, escape, back to foster care, more abuse, drugs, alcohol, rape, new foster home, more abuse, more escapes. Sound about right to you?”“So, lots of street kids have that background.”“How old are you?”I looked down at.
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