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’ I steeled myself and met his gaze, his eyes searching my face. The frown and deep creases in his forehead remained. I almost started to cry again, but I managed to blink the tears away and hold my gaze steadily on his eyes. He studied me silently for several minutes, my hands relaxed inside his. I could almost see the wheels turning. I wondered what he was thinking, but knew better than to ask. I stayed quiet. Finally he appeared to come to a decision, I was suddenly terrified. ‘What if he says no? What if he doesn’t want to have sex with me? Oh God, I should never have brought this up, ‘ I thought. ‘Too late. I’m so stupid. He’s going to say no… ‘ ‘Okay, Sarah. This time you win.’ I blinked. I had convinced myself so strongly in mere moments that he would say no that it took several seconds for me to process what I had heard. He took advantage of my pause to add a condition. ‘But we do this my way.’ ‘What does that mean?’ ‘If we are going to do this, if I’m going to trust you on. "Take care," I managed, receiving my own hug while trying not to think howgood it felt to be held in strong arms.On Sunday, Helen and I drove back to New Orleans together after aleisurely breakfast with Mama. We had thrown our overnight bags in thetrunk of my Focus, but the sacks from our shopping trip were piled intothe back seat. I was frankly alarmed at how much Helen and Mama hadconvinced me to buy supposedly just for one meeting. There was the newsuit, two shells and a blouse, several pairs of pantyhose, two pairs ofshoes (one with a two and a half inch hell that had me a little worried -I wasn't accustomed to heels that high), and inexpensive jewelry -earrings, a necklace and a bracelet. Mama and Helen had even talked meinto new bras and panties, maintaining that the cotton stuff I wore wasn'tquite feminine enough to go under such a nice suit. So like who was goingto see it besides me anyway?"We can change at my place," Helen suggested. "Brian is going to pick usup there, so.
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