Twenty years, of quietly raising Jenny, of being the perfect mother, of being Michael’s perfect wife. Twenty years. When Amanda had been Tamsin’s age, she vowed to see the river Ganges at Benares by the time she was thirty. Then she’d met Michael, and started dating him. They’d got married, and Jenny had followed ayear later. Amanda’d spent her entire thirtieth year at home. She’d wanted to wander halfway around the world by the age of thirty, for twelve years, she’d not gone further than Benidorm, and the rest of the time, she’d not gone much further than the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. Amanda struggled to hold the emotions back, but the emotions were too strong, too insistent. Clenching the handset in her fist like a bone weapon, she threw back her head and howled out her frustration as a single, long drawn – out primal scream of rage. Then she leaned forward again, sobs emerging from her, sobs of relief. The secret was finally, finally out. Slowly, the sobs died down,. It willinvolve some summer-long changes, and a little pain; can you deal withthat? Are you willing to?"I nodded. I was tough; I could take a little pain. Or was I missingthose nuances and unspoken messages again?She turned off the highway onto a city street, and pulled over in fromof an ice cream shop."When I am stressed, this is where I go to feel better!" she exclaimedbrightly.I nodded mutely. I was certainly stressed, and wouldn't mind some icecream either.Aunt Liz ordered a butter pecan cone, and I had vanilla bean. I wouldhave preferred peppermint stick, but I wanted to keep Zoe's dress andgloves clean. We picked up a quart of choco chunk to take to Matt andwent home in silence.Matt was glad enough to get the ice cream; he had been busy sweeping thefloors while we were gone. He was basically a good guy; all thesechanges had just been hard for him."So how did it go?" he asked, which could mean many things. We told himabout the last-minute solo, and he just nodded. "That was.
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